Living an Empowered, Intentional and Self-Directed Life: Overcoming Adversity and Embracing Resilience
Life often feels like a gamble, a compromise driven by both conscious and unconscious decisions. We make choices to avoid pain, yet pain is frequently the catalyst for change. This pain-driven decision-making is especially prevalent in men, ingrained from a young age and persisting throughout life. Many men only realize the weight of this mistake late in life, feeling as if they’ve wasted their potential, living under-appreciated and brutalized by a lack of agency.
The Breaking Point: My Personal Wake-Up Call
My journey to living an empowered, intentional life began with a series of brutal wake-up calls. I was caught in a catastrophic business failure and left owing $16 million after a deal with the FDIC fell through. To make matters worse, I returned home from a business trip to discover my wife in the throes of an affair, leading to a decade-long divorce that stripped me of everything, leaving me homeless.
Faced with these crushing blows, I had two choices: succumb to despair or fight my way back. Despite feeling broken and unworthy, I chose to fight. As Winston Churchill famously said, “If you are going through Hell, keep going.” This mantra carried me through some of the darkest times of my life.
Lessons from the Depths of Despair
During this personal hell, I learned invaluable lessons about resilience and self-discovery. Each setback was an opportunity for growth, each mistake a chance to learn. These experiences taught me the importance of living a self-directed life, focusing on my needs and aspirations rather than external validations.
One of the harshest lessons was recognizing the lack of support men often face during tough times. Conditioned to fulfill societal roles, we lose bits of ourselves along the way. My journey forced me to confront my anger, guilt, and the societal “shoulds” that had dictated my life. True empowerment, I discovered, comes from within—from embracing one’s dreams and passions without seeking approval.
The Power of Present-Moment Awareness
Working with horses provided a profound lesson in living in the present. Horses, as prey animals, are always attuned to the present moment, never dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This non-reactionary awareness is crucial for creating a self-directed life. By focusing on the present, I learned to make clear, intentional choices that aligned with my values and goals.
Crafting a Self-Directed Life
Living an empowered, intentional life means prioritizing self-care, internal awareness, and personal growth. It’s about making decisions that reflect your true desires, not just reacting to external pressures. This shift lifts the burden of self-doubt and reliance on others for validation, allowing you to trust your instincts and build a life that genuinely fulfills you.
Men, it’s time to create your own arena. Embrace the challenges, make your own rules, and live life on your terms. Whether it’s a small, personal achievement or a grand venture, the key is to live authentically and intentionally.
As Teddy Roosevelt eloquently stated in his 1910 speech:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Men, step into your arena. Challenge your limits, pursue your passions, and live in the “Big.” Your life, your terms, your wonder. Embrace the power of living an empowered, intentional, and self-directed life.
